Look into my eyes....

So after seeing the plastic surgeon the other day I have a much better understanding of eyes and what is wrong with mine. I probably always had a droopy eyelid but thanks to a car wreck and the subsequent head injury that followed my eye is even worse. I took this before picture so that I can look back and remember how BAD my eye truly was.
The muscle in my eyelid is stretched and the doctor hopes to stitch it together in three points above my eye to bring it up to where it needs to be. You see how it basically covers the very center of my eye? Well that's bad. I am visually impaired on that eye by almost 50! Talk about a blind spot! My other eye has a droop to but it's not as severe although it still qualifies for surgery. That will take place after my right eye heals and all that fun stuff. Which means about 3 weeks of pure boredom. No reading, no tv, no computer, no craziness. I'm sure it wont be as bad as it sounds and my mom said she might even be able to come and visit so that would be nice.
I'm very excited to have it done. My eye is not only an impairment to my daily life, but a HUGE insecurity. Ever picture taken, or comment made of "are you tired?" or even loved ones saying, "wow, you're eye looks bad!" to strangers pointing out my "weird ugly eye and lets pray my children don't look like me!" (okay that last one was a mean woman who I provoked because her kid was obnoxious...but still, ouch! lol)
I joke about my "weird eye." I've hid behind glasses the last couple of years not only because I can't see anything but because it hides the droop better. But I miss sunglasses. I miss putting on my makeup and feeling satisfied with the result and NOT needing to cover it up with glasses. I miss feeling like I look normal. So although this surgery is for medical reasons, I'm grateful also to indulge my vanity just a little bit and feel better about myself. I would be a complete liar if I said that didn't matter to me. My only wish was I had been able to do it sooner. I think of my wedding pictures or any pictures really since my amazing husband came into my life. I think of how I try to turn or hide it or how awful I feel after seeing a picture where Case looks awesome and I look like a goober. We all can find things that work against us genetically without adding something on top of it.
There are fears too. Blindness. Still looking like me. Training my eye to adapt to all the light and what not. Will it be painful? Common normal fears. But mostly I'm just ready for it to happen.
So come on insurance and send me my happy papers and lets make this a go!