13th Article of Faith

I have been home sick with my poor husband all day. He's worse off then me but I am grateful for those who hold the priesthood who came to give us both blessings of comfort and for sickness.
Other than coughing and hacking all day and trying to rest, as well as baby Casey I've had a chance to straiten up my home a bit and ground myself again to reality.
I have been a selfish brat lately. I have disregarded others feelings because I have only been focusing on my "have-nots." I've been focusing on my lack of health in several areas, my fear of surgery, my constant questioning about our family expanding.
Instead of channeling these fears and doubts to be constructive, I gave into them. I cried often in pain and distress and anger, but I refused to be consoled by my husband or worse the Lord. I felt my heart harden. I felt it become rock-like in my chest and I wanted it to be that way. In my mind it was easier to do that then to hope for something and be heartbroken once again. But then I realized something today as Casey and I were laying on the couch all doped up from medicine, a soft heart doesn't easily break. It absorbs. Wear as a rock hard heart can be chipped and can have ragged edges. A soft heart might feel the pain but it can also feel the tender caress of love trying to heal it. A rock hard heart feels nothing but heavy emptiness.
I needed to soften my heart.
This week will be hard. Not only do I have my first eye appointment but I have a bug that has kicked me to the ground it seems. And on top of all that I'm waiting for an answer to a prayer. It's my greatest prayer. And I want it to happen so badly my whole being hurts. And the sad truth is, I don't think it did.
So I was letting my mind wander while hanging out online and something led me to think of the 13th Article of Faith, or at least part of it. It's also our youth theme this year. The part of it I thought of was: "Indeed we may say we follow the admonition of Paul. We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things."
I believe that this popped into my head as an answer to a different prayer that was intended to soften my heart. I have to have hope. And even when things are hard, I have to endure.
So that's my message this go around and I hope to not only say it but to live it. Have hope and endure. :0)
Love,
Heather