A bit deflated....

So for the past two weeks I have been have monster headaches. They finally got so bad that I couldn't get out of bed and go to school. Light hurts, sound hurts, and my right eye just feels awful! I could tell both my eyes were very strained. It's happened before but not ever this painful. And it hasn't gone away yet.
About 6 years ago I was in a car accident and smashed up my right eye. They eyelid has nerve damage and it can't open properly anymore so it gets weak and shuts easily. Then my left eye gets strained because it's doing all the work for two eyes.
I went to the eye doctor right after the accident but he had hopes that it would improve over time. It hasn't. I went to the doctor again a couple years ago for a prescription renewal and he referred me to a specialist that could do surgery to fix my eye. I haven't gotten that surgery yet because of money, other surgeries, and fear. Sure gut me like a fish but I'm scared to death of anyone messing around my face! I've had two major car accidents that have slightly altered my appearance, I have a genuine paranoia of not looking like myself! Anyway, it all has come to a head this last few weeks. I need to have the surgery and soon. My eye doctor is concerned that the longer I put it of the weaker my right eye will get and the greater the chance of my brain shutting it down and me going blind in one eye.
So that brings me to today...such a crappy crappy day. I had to withdraw from school today because I'm not sure when the surgery will be yet or how much recovery it will take. I'm not supposed to read (or get on the computer but I thought I'd do this an make it fast. I needed to vent.) I need to let my eyes rest. School does NOT let your eyes rest. So I had to withdraw.
I feel completely deflated and defeated. I know I can go back, and I know I had intended on taking next semester off anyway but still. I love(d) school. It was getting hard sure but I still loved my classes, the feeling of accomplishment, and the encouragement I felt from those around me. I feel like it's all been ripped away. I would cry right now if it wasn't so stinking painful! I'm just so mad. I'm mad at myself, I'm mad at the past, I'm mad at how things just don't work out sometimes. It sucks.

On a happy note my sweet boy Blitzen is 1 year old today. He's been such a cuddly sweetheart today, I think he knows it's his special day.
Well my eyes are watering like crazy. Computer screens no good for bad eyes.
Love to all!
H.