update

So I haven't been super diligent in exercising yet, but I have managed to lose a few pounds steadily by watching what I put in my mouth. I have rarely given in to my usual indulgences and I'm very happy to say I'm close to breaking down into the next level of numbers. That makes me very happy. I realize that it isn't very spectacular what I've accomplished but I feel good about myself. And honestly losing those first few pounds has given me greater incentive to keep going. I'm no longer allowing myself excuses or pity parties. This is my body and I'm taking charge.
I had a few days that set me back a bit. Honestly the number would have been higher had it not been for a few very stress filled days. I am a stress eater like you wouldn't imagine! It's almost disturbing. But I am finding different ways to cope with the onslaught life likes to throw our way. I will continue to grow as a person, and shrink in size.
I know this post is very late. I was supposed to update about 2 weeks ago but as the above stated life got pretty hectic. I will work on being more diligent in posting. Not because you all are so thrilled at reading about my weight loss goal but because it DOES give me some accountability to know I will be posting this for my friends and who knows who else to read. It would be slightly embarrassing if I was suddenly like, "welp, gave up. to hard, I've decided to stay unhealthy." then loved ones would be like "no you can do it! keep it up!" and I'd feel guilty and ashamed. Haha. So I guess I will just post it from the get go.
Love to all!

Winds of Change

 

I can't believe it's already the middle of September. School is pushing forward like a bulldozer and if you can't keep up you'll be squished! Any day now my nephew will arrive, and already you can smell the cold just barely touching the air in the morning, hinting fall and winter are on their way.
So poetic eh?
Seriously though, I LOVE this time of year. I love when the leaves are starting to change, I love the anticipation of something different about to happen. Some people have told me that the fall reminds them of death. But to me it's always represented a beautiful change. Not only because physically the world turns into a pallet of bright reds, yellows, orange, or that the air smells like pencils and football, but because for many years this time of year has brought a significant change to my life. This was the time of year I went to basic training, the time of year I attempted college and met some of my best friends, the time of year I would start a new play in school, or when I moved to Lewiston and met a oh so cute, gangly, sweet fella that it took no time at all to fall for.
This years big change is the obvious. I have gone back to school. But honestly it feels like more. Because of medical reasons Casey and I are even more committed to adoption and we are pushing forward as best we can with our attempts to save money and better ourselves. I know Casey will make an amazing father. And although I worry about my mothering ability I also get comfort from the spirit that by listening and learning and just LOVING my child, things will work out for the best. I am so thrilled and excited at the prospect that in the next year or so we will be in a place that maybe a selfless young woman will place the child of her body in our care. I am joyous beyond reason and it hasn't even gotten close to that point yet.
I understand miracles happen. That those who have been told by doctors they will never have children get pregnant and become parents through that blessing. But honestly I don't feel that is our path right now. Maybe someday my body will work and together through our love Casey and I will become parents, but as I watch him attempt to play and grow closer to his nieces (and soon his nephew) I know that if we are diligent now, and continue to grow and progress, it wont be long before we too can bring a child into our home and be called parents. I know this will happen.
As I feel the bite in the clear air this feeling overcomes me. It is pure joy because I am reminded that change always comes. We are not forever placed in one spot. We constantly evolve and grow and learn if we choose to do so. How beautiful and exciting it is that our loving Heavenly Father puts us in a position to progress. I'm not saying others don't progress if they don't have infertility problems, they do!!! I've watched loved ones grow and learn so quickly and I my heart swells for them and their lives, but I think Heavenly Father may have gave us this challenge to further our reliance on Him and His plan. Our bodies are so very mortal and at times it's difficult to make our spirits match them when we know of our eternal potential, but at the same time thank goodness we have these bodies and can appreciate their capacity a bit better. As broken as they may be at times they can also do so many wonderful things. I am so thankful for that.
I didn't mean for this post to be another soap box speech about infertility. Honestly when I started I was thinking how much I love this time of year and how it always gives me hope. It's the transition into the holidays as well as the memories that fill my mind that make it so wonderful to me. I'm sorry if all I ever post about is my issues but I do want to state that there are moments when the self pity passes and I get a glimpse of what our future holds and it fills my heart with light. :0)
Love,
Heather

Health & Wellness

This past week my body has decided to cause me a great amount of pain. The medication I have for managing said pain wont actually work for another month or so when my system finally decides to work with it. Until then I've been thinking to myself..."self, this is no way to live."
I'm a vain person by nature. I'll admit it. I'm not fond of the tire that's wrapped itself around my middle, or the fact that my pants are a bit snug for my taste, but so far that vanity hasn't really set me into a pattern of taking care of myself. I have a weight line that I refuse to go over but I have to wonder if that's doing me any good if I'm on the cusp?
Now I'm not on here to whine about my large bottom. I know why it's there. I've been lazy and quite frankly amiss in taking care of myself. I stress eat like a mad woman and I often feel so run down after work/school that I simply want to take it easy and do nothing. (Crazy thing is, if I started exercising I would have more energy.)
This week has been sort of a wake up call. Although I know that losing some weight wont fix much about my endometriosis, I do know that my overall health would be better and I would be able to cope with the pain that comes with my condition easier. I would also have more energy, have a good outlet for my stress (other than eating) and although I may not lose the 50 pounds my head seems to think I should, my self esteem would increase and I would overall be a happier person. I also have this great fear of developing diabetes or several other conditions that run in my family that have to do with the heart. I worry about that a lot.
So it's time for me to take control. I've enlisted the help of my brother in law Nathan, (who was in SEALS training might I add, he's a mad man when it comes to fitness! he's pretty amazing!) Although I don't think I will EVER be at his level he said he would help me figure out a routine I could stick with and would be of a short duration each day so it would be easy to fit into my schedule. The whole thing just depends on how bad I want it. 45 minutes doesn't seem like a long time, it's barely longer than a tv show, but for some reason when it comes to exercising my brain goes, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?! THAT'S FOREVER!!! haha. So I have to make the commitment and do it. I have to push through and say, you know, at 7:00 tonight I'm done with my homework and all that, it's time to go work out.
I'm excited at this new goal. Although I'm a bit nervous because I've never been good at sticking with things. I don't have a weight loss goal, (I'm sure my dusty wiifit would be sad at me for that) I simply want to feel better and I know that with watching what I eat and doing more with my body that eventually I will lose a few pounds.
As an embarrassing attempt to keep myself in check I will post my current weight and update it every two weeks. It's not comfortable to share and I'm not trying to make anyone else roll their eyes, but I somehow NEED to be accountable that I am actually doing a program and working on my overall health. (overall includes spiritually, and mentally as well...) :0)
So on this date my current weight is: 173.4 lbs

Now I know that the number doesn't mean much. Muscle weighs more than fat so on so forth but this is simple measurement I can do every two weeks that will keep me in line. I also know that by simply doing a crash diet i can lose about 10 pounds and oh wow wouldn't that be awesome, but the goal here is not really to lose weight (although that may happen) the goal is to get healthy. I just don't think it would work for me to post what each workout was and all that to prove I'm doing it. But I'm sure with updates on the scale number as well as posting about how my general health is that will be a good indication that I am doing some kind of routine.
So until my next Health & Wellness post on September 19th see you all later!

*some of my goals and ideas came from this article
http://www.thirdage.com/cholesterol/25-ways-to-make-exercise-routine
:0)