Move Onward?

So I think the loss of one of my ovaries hit me a lot harder than I expected it to. On one hand I know my families medical history. I know that my body was a ticking time bomb and yet I thought "I'm going to be the exception." I knew we were having problems and that I would more than likely have some kind of hysterectomy/oophorectomy but I guess I always kind of figured that the pains I felt were just stupid minor whatevers and I just needed to get over it. When in fact they were very real, making my innards deteriorate type pains. It makes me angry that I lost my ovary. And sure I can use the same line I've been giving myself since I knew it was a possibility. "Oh I KNEW this could happen. I'm prepared. I will feel SO MUCH BETTER knowing that it's over and done with and I can stop worrying and trying for a baby. Sure there would still be the possibility with the other ovary but we aren't taking chances anymore. This is a GOOD thing." As true as any of that may be, the fact is... It sucks. And I realize I don't have it as bad as other women. Heck my mother lost everything at 23 so I get it that I am not the first nor will I be the last person to experience this. But I still can't help but be selfish. I want to morn my loss but I'm not sure if that's normal. Or how to even go about it. Does that even make sense to want to morn. Shouldn't I just keep thinking like the above statement and go with that? This is a good thing. I'm not in pain anymore. My body can be healthy. I now have an answer and a plan to become a parent through adoption. There's no more guessing.
So why do I feel sad? Somedays I feel so together and sure about knowing it was for the best. After all I'm incredibly excited to become a parent through adoption. I don't think I'm any less of a woman by any means. But there's still this little spot inside of me that is empty. And it will always be empty. Does that make sense? More than likely no it doesn't.

I do feel better. I do know that this was the best course of action. As with any other disease it takes it toll so it's good we have a handle on it now so it can't spread and make my other reproductive organs worse. At least I know those things. I have to hang on to the fact it could have been a lot worse. I could be on drugs to help me in early menopause. I could have been out of work for a lot longer and had a much more major surgery like my mother did. But I didn't. I lost my right ovary and that was it. I hope that's all I will ever lose. The pessimist inside of me doesn't think so. You can only keep this stuff at bay for so long I think. But still it could have been a lot worse. And I think it's set Casey and I into a forward thinking mode which is good. We are being more productive and proactive on how we want our lives to be. That's very important.
So what's next. I guess I just keep moving on. I get my shot every 12 weeks. I continue to exercise and enjoy being with my husband. I'll throw my cats birthday parties and keep in better touch with loved ones. I will continue to be.