Personal Goals

So read a blog of a friend that shared this quote:

George Bernard Shaw said: "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

I LOVED this to say the least! My friend was posting about her growth as a person while her husband has been deployed. All the while I was reading this post I was thinking there are so many things I want to do, and why shouldn't I. It doesn't mean I will be the greatest but why do I feel like I need to apologize all the time for wanting to try something. It's like, I'm afraid to be ok at something and that it will offend people who are truly good at it. Does that make sense?

I will use photography as an example. I don't know a lot about the technical aspect of it, and I'm not even sure I have a true knack, but I LOVE taking pictures and catching a moment or a look on someones face. It's the best feeling sometimes. Part of me thinks that my love for getting those moments or documenting those rare occasions is because so many of my moments in life were not captured. A lot of them I boo-hoo about and I'm trying to get better but a little bit of bitterness tends to well up in me when I think of them. Like my high school graduation. I don't really have any pictures of that. I and I don't have a single one of me with my parents. Isn't that supposed to be a proud moment shared by a family? And yet, I only have a few taken with friends. My memories of that day are not wonderful anyway but I don't even have a single picture to help me remember the pride I felt. That's so very sad. Another moment is my wedding day. I wish I could go back and tell the photographer exactly what i wanted, or do pictures beforehand or SOMETHING!

Anyway enough boo-hooing and back on topic, my point is, my lack of having moments captured has made me almost annoying in my pushing for others to have their moments caught. I love doing that but something my brother said to me once shook my confidence in myself to the point I don't even feel like I should be allowed to do something I love. He said "every girl with a camera I know thinks she's a real photographer. You're no different." I'm not sure why he said that, or if he meant it in a harsh way. Maybe he was just trying to warn me that it's a craft many people do but not many people are truly talented. I don't know. In any case I feel as though I might offend those who truly have talent in the craft. And I don't know how to gauge my ability either so who knows. There are no classes in this area I can take to learn more, and I"m kind of going off the cuff most of the time.

But this quote made me think of it a little differently. I don't have to be the best to be the best person I can be. Was that to crazy of a sentence? haha But really, it doesn't matter right? I shouldn't compare my love for something with that talent of others. Because you can't measure them together. It's like, I'm not a perfect singer but does that mean I shouldn't sing in church or along with my favorite music because it might upset and offend the ears of an opera singer? No, I love doing it, and I feel good doing it, and if it makes me improve myself a little more than I should continue.

Heavenly Father has blessed us all with many different gifts, and many levels of those gifts. I think desire is a gift. I desire greatly to do something with my life. I desire to fulfill my education. I desire to become a better homemaker and learn and improve skills of cooking, crochet, sewing, and organization. I desire to be a better photographer. I desire to be a better musician. I desire to constantly learn things like Spanish, gardening, and most off all the scriptures. I desire to be HEALTHY!

I taught a lesson in Sunday School last week about our bodies and I used the quote "we are not mortals having a spiritual experience...we are spirits having a mortal experience." (or something like that) We each have the potential to create more out of ourselves in this eternity than we can even imagine. And I'm going to keep pressing on and doing that because I am blessed to have the desire to do so, and the ability will come with hard work and practice. :)

Love to all of you dear friends who support and read my silly ramblings. Thank you for all that you do for me!

H.